Being a mother is not easy. It is a sacrifice. It is a profession in which a woman never feels that she gets rewarded enough. My mother used to say "A girl's life changes as soon as she gets married, and it changes irreversibly from the moment she holds her first child in her arms."
I had a big row today with my almost 5 year old daughter. The reason being the usual 'you watched TV more than you should without doing homework' grounds. The homework is not a big load, but 3-5 pages of math and reading which she usually finishes in about half an hour.
I had to do the weekend job support for a release and was neck deep with work. So she realized that the big monster can't get into the battle field and she don't have a strong opponent. And she can get away with Dad as he was very religiously studying the color variations in the high definition television transmission ;-)
So when I tried to make her do the home work after my work, she replayed the cassette of 'Tired, hungry and sleepy' . She neither eat the food I prepared nor was going to sleep. I lost all my patience. Pots flew in the kitchen and pans leaped their way to the sink. My daughter crept under the blanket in her bed. My husband slowly retreated to fetch cotton for his ears from the medicine cabinet and started to read Business Week, oblivious to the bangs. My temper immediately subsided once I 'disassembled' the table fan in the bedroom to 3 pieces!
I came back to Samyu's room, hugged her and cuddled with her. I told her I am not upset because she didn't do her homework, but because she was not behaving. I read her a bedtime story, sung a lullaby and made her come back to her mischievous mood before sending her to sleep. Let tomorrow be a different one!
I had a big row today with my almost 5 year old daughter. The reason being the usual 'you watched TV more than you should without doing homework' grounds. The homework is not a big load, but 3-5 pages of math and reading which she usually finishes in about half an hour.
I had to do the weekend job support for a release and was neck deep with work. So she realized that the big monster can't get into the battle field and she don't have a strong opponent. And she can get away with Dad as he was very religiously studying the color variations in the high definition television transmission ;-)
So when I tried to make her do the home work after my work, she replayed the cassette of 'Tired, hungry and sleepy' . She neither eat the food I prepared nor was going to sleep. I lost all my patience. Pots flew in the kitchen and pans leaped their way to the sink. My daughter crept under the blanket in her bed. My husband slowly retreated to fetch cotton for his ears from the medicine cabinet and started to read Business Week, oblivious to the bangs. My temper immediately subsided once I 'disassembled' the table fan in the bedroom to 3 pieces!
I came back to Samyu's room, hugged her and cuddled with her. I told her I am not upset because she didn't do her homework, but because she was not behaving. I read her a bedtime story, sung a lullaby and made her come back to her mischievous mood before sending her to sleep. Let tomorrow be a different one!
I do not remember my mother gets seriously angry with me or punishing me when I was a child. She usually give the silent treatment . My dad had spanked me , I sometimes take pride in that, that it helped me to learn some lessons in life. Poor Mom, we kids denounced even her silent treatment. The many rewards of Motherhood ! Me too have enrolled for it few years back and started to get the rewards as well. I am sorry Mom if I ever have hurt you.
Mom stayed with me for 6 months in US , that's the longest she stayed exclusively with me after my daughter was born. During one of those days , and frequently after that she mentions that she is so surprised to see that I have got a great amount of patience in my parenting. Yes , I acquired quite a lot of it compared to what I had 10 years before, but I haven't conquered it yet. (Patience is a packaged deal that you have to buy with Motherhood. You can choose to not get the 'complimentary product' , but in order to get the full advantage of the main product you must acquire this too. )
One should realize how hard I have been trying to earn the 'Patient Mom' title my mom rewarded me, considering I belong to the fierce Aeries zodiac band. So yes, I get this occasional outburst of impatience. Kids- these little devils are quite capable of tipping off the scale of patience.
This also reminded me of another funny(?) incident.
One should realize how hard I have been trying to earn the 'Patient Mom' title my mom rewarded me, considering I belong to the fierce Aeries zodiac band. So yes, I get this occasional outburst of impatience. Kids- these little devils are quite capable of tipping off the scale of patience.
This also reminded me of another funny(?) incident.
My daughter need me for every beck and call, she wants me to read her a bed time story and tuck her in bed every night, she wants me to play with her in her imaginative world, what not , she wants me for everything.But after all is said and done she still love Dad "a little bit more" . Depressing! I am shamelessly jealous of my husband in that regard.
The day goes like this.. Me and my daughter were having a great time. We played, we cuddled, I pampered her a lot.. I knew its never a good idea to ask kids whom they love most? Dad or Mom? But I couldn't help it. Curiosity killed the cat.
Me : Samyu, do you like Mom or Dad? (She is a smart kid and tried to be very diplomatic)
Samyu: Both mom and dad.
Me: Really? tell me the truth.( I pleaded)
Samyu: Mom .
(oh my child.. happy tears started to roll down my eyes , then she added...)
"Mom, I love you the most in this world, but I love dad a little bit more".
She said it with such innocence , and I know it was true to its core. I didn't know whether to cry or not. But I got really upset(unnecessarily) . For few days I was making a fuss over it. The 'oh she is only a 4 year old kid..' justification didn't seem to pacify me. I was just being so selfish and could think only about all those stuff I have been doing for her. My thoughts , as usual , started to play their tricks on me . They shouted "You are alone" , 'Nobody needs you" , "You are abandoned once again , just like in the past" - It shook the very roots of my emotional insecurity.
Later I made peace with myself agreeing to the fact that girls are genetically engineered to be daddy's princesses. And my eyes still lit up when she brings me a coloring page she did in daycare and give that as a present to me saying "I made this for you, Amma ". Her Love - it is the ultimate reward I am getting. Nowadays when I ask the same question she will say 'I love my family the best" . However I try to push she won't bulge in. Being a very observant kid, she realized the impending calamities her words can bring in;-)
In her own words "Home is the best place on this whole wide world. That's why people always come back to home from stores!"
-R.
The day goes like this.. Me and my daughter were having a great time. We played, we cuddled, I pampered her a lot.. I knew its never a good idea to ask kids whom they love most? Dad or Mom? But I couldn't help it. Curiosity killed the cat.
Me : Samyu, do you like Mom or Dad? (She is a smart kid and tried to be very diplomatic)
Samyu: Both mom and dad.
Me: Really? tell me the truth.( I pleaded)
Samyu: Mom .
(oh my child.. happy tears started to roll down my eyes , then she added...)
"Mom, I love you the most in this world, but I love dad a little bit more".
She said it with such innocence , and I know it was true to its core. I didn't know whether to cry or not. But I got really upset(unnecessarily) . For few days I was making a fuss over it. The 'oh she is only a 4 year old kid..' justification didn't seem to pacify me. I was just being so selfish and could think only about all those stuff I have been doing for her. My thoughts , as usual , started to play their tricks on me . They shouted "You are alone" , 'Nobody needs you" , "You are abandoned once again , just like in the past" - It shook the very roots of my emotional insecurity.
Later I made peace with myself agreeing to the fact that girls are genetically engineered to be daddy's princesses. And my eyes still lit up when she brings me a coloring page she did in daycare and give that as a present to me saying "I made this for you, Amma ". Her Love - it is the ultimate reward I am getting. Nowadays when I ask the same question she will say 'I love my family the best" . However I try to push she won't bulge in. Being a very observant kid, she realized the impending calamities her words can bring in;-)
In her own words "Home is the best place on this whole wide world. That's why people always come back to home from stores!"
-R.
nice... can identify with most of what you have written.. :)
ReplyDelete:-))
DeleteVery true radhika!
ReplyDeleteThough my dad has never hugged me, never dropped me school, never fed me food, never made me sleep, seldom stayed home spending time with me...I always used to be dad's daughter.
Now when I crib that harshini is a dad's daughter, my mom would just give a smile and tell.."She is your daughter na!"
I defenitely know how much a 'dad's daughter' you are, kuttippayya..
Deleteyeah, so we can't really blame the kids..its in the genes:-)